I straddled between : not quite Satan, not quite saint :: Proclaiming Jesus : destined for Hell. Back when we only lived once : who knew a one way ticket could be so much fun? :: As if it was my God given duty to make sure you had a good time : now with a lot of nothing in the memory bank, what do I owe myself? My debts have been forgiven : but you can’t repay yourself :: I’m a fuck-up : and we’ve only just begun. I’m sorry ::
“I feel like I don’t have a choice.” “We all have choices.” “Already so trite.” “The truth will only get more so from here.” “Like choices are what got us here.” “So you have regrets.” “So far a few.” “Assuming you live a long, fruitful life.” “Assuming you haven’t already.” “Do you really think that?” “Not by a long shot.” “So what is it?” “What is what?” “What this is about. What do you regret?” “It’s puerile.” “But relevant if it comes to mind.” “I regret hurting feelings. But oddly specific instances. Overall, most fall under the fuck-it category, but there are a few.” “You’re right. That is childish.” “See, this is why I don’t go here.” “No no. It obviously holds merit if you’ve come this far.” “Doubtful. I’m afraid I only know in retrospect.” “So what do you do about it?” “This.”
But without the confidence. Without confidence in my lies. Like truths. I write like screens not plays. Like characters going through the motions predetermined. Like walking on eggshells. “Crack them to go deeper.” Make an omelette. “These metaphors have been used by you before…” Write like a writer. “But I read. I watch.” Then put words on paper like collecting your thoughts. You hoarder. Mess. Cleanliness is next to Godliness, and oh God I ain’t no saint. And this? This isn’t a story.
Not even metaphorical. But what better way to express meaning when meaning is not. “But, like, an example, as?” Words like words that don’t mean what they say. “You mean connotation opposed to definition like strictly denotation?” Like the way they imply feelings or visions. They’re just words. They’re just words. But like words must be precise as seen. “You mean precise to be understood?” Either or like or as read. “Then how do you transport to a place?” Words like or as it is. “And so goes with feelings?” Like or as it isn’t. “Not always.” Precisely. “So all words are metaphors?” Words make life their simile. Makes words like words.
We here and we beyond, must thoughts be feelings but feelings not thoughts, connotative denotative qualitative symbols. We here and we beyond, thoughts are not feelings, feelings are not thoughts, connotative denotative qualitative symbols. We here and we beyond, feelings are thoughts outside of thinking, thinking are thoughts inside of feeling, connotative denotative qualitative symbols. We here and we beyond, thoughts are feelings outside of feeling, thinking is feelings inside of thoughts, connotative denotative qualitative symbols.